It's hard for me to blog.
It just brings up too many emotions and reminds me too much of Harper.
But I'm going to try today....because I miss it.
You know what else I miss?
I miss waking up in the middle of the night to a crying baby. I know all you moms out there have
every right to complain when you don't get sleep. I know how frustrating it can be. I also know that I
would give up sleeping for months if I could just wake up for Harper one more time. Try to remember that the next time you want to pull your hair out because your baby needs you at 2 AM.
I miss being busy. Don't get me wrong, with 11 year old twins, 5th grade homework, and my new obsession with getting in shape, I'm busy. But it's a different kind of busy. I miss the kind of busy that includes making bottles and cleaning them out, missing out on doing things because we have a baby at home, and never getting to watch that show on Netflix because of the baby.
I miss sharing pictures of Harper on Instagram. And taking new pictues. It breaks my heart knowing that I'll never have another new picture of him.
I even miss the NICU. It seemed so horrible at the time. Having to leave him each night to go home to a house without him. But at least I could go back to him the next day. Or even in the middle of the night if I chose. I wish I could visit him in heaven like I did in the NICU.
I'll always miss him. I'd like to sit here and tell you each day gets easier. It doesn't. I know it will eventually, but not now. Somedays I miss him so much that my heart literally hurts.
But I'll see him again one day.....
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