Dec 26, 2013

Christmas 2013

I'm gonna be real honest and tell you that I'm glad Christmas is over.
I always enjoy celebrating Jesus' birthday, and this time was no different.
But it just felt wrong.

I spent the night with Harper on Christmas Eve.
It was our first year in several that the girls were spending the night with their Dad on Christmas Eve.
I LOVE staying with Harper.....
but our family of 5 slept in 3 different places that night.
And that was heartbreaking.

I enjoy spending the night with Harper even more now since I get to be a part of his bottles when he gets them. Makes me feel like his real Mom!
Right now he gets a bottle every other meal, and the other times it just goes into his tube.
I requested that he get his bottles at 11 & 5 so that every day after work, I can give him his 5 bottle.
This schedule works well for us.
And by the way, he is doing AMAZING with his bottles. Taking almost everything he is given currently. They will probably move him to getting every meal through a bottle soon, and I hope he handles it well. It's just a lot of work for such a little guy! (weighing in at 4 lbs, 13 oz currently.)

Back to Christmas.....

The morning went okay.
It was a little bit lonely but BH and I kept each other company pretty well.
And then FH came to the hospital to hang out with us.
We had cafeteria food for Christmas lunch....not exciting.
Then we were off to get the girls for Christmas with them!

I have now left Harper in my rearview mirror 94 times (give or take a few days when I spent the night)....and not one time has been as difficult as leaving him on Christmas Day.
I just felt like I was abandoning him.
Whose Mom leaves them on Christmas??

I knew it had to be done.
As much as I would have loved to stay in that hospital room all day long (or better yet, sneak him out in my diaper bag), I have to take care of my other kids too.

We enjoyed the rest of the day with family. And it was fun....but only half of my heart was in it.
The rest was laying in a big boy crib and getting fed his bottle by a nurse.
Our nurses are great, but they aren't Mama.
Every single bottle that I miss hurts my heart.

So I enjoyed Christmas.
I appreciate every single bit of the true meaning of the holiday.
And it was a day well spent.

But I'm happy to move past it this year.
Closer to the day that we get to bring BH home.

We are ready whenever you are Harper. :) Pin It Now!


  1. one day at a time momma, he will be home soon. hang in there!!

  2. I can only imagine how hard that must have been for you and your husband. Every day is one day closer to Harper coming home, hang in there!