Feb 25, 2013

The Post I Wasn't Going to Write

I wasn't going to post today.
But for some reason I can't seem to stay away from blogging.
I wanted to tell you all about the new car that we bought over the weekend.
And how we walked out of one man's office because he didn't want to come down on his price....and then spent $1000 more on a different car because another sales guy was that much nicer (in your face rude sales guy!).
But I just wasn't feeling it this morning.

I have thought lots about this post...and thought even more about whether I should type it out.
But before all you people started reading, this was my online diary.
No one really read it but my BFF, my husband, and my exhusband.
I make all my posts into a book each year, so I can go back and read them. So I can remember things that are easily forgotten.
So that when I am old and gray, I can re-live it all.

And I decided that this moment, the feelings that I am having right now, need to be remembered.
I need to look back on this later on.

Unless you are new here, you know that I have baby pneumonia.
I want a baby, like last year.
But there is no bun in my oven yet.
Month after month, I get let down when it doesn't happen.
I tell myself to stop thinking about it, that it will happen when it's meant to. That as long as I am stressing, it will never happen.

All my life I have been taught to aspire to bigger things.
I graduated from college once, and went back for another degree.
I had a husband that was not good to me at all, and I dreamed of the day that I would have a husband that loved me.
I worked hard to find a job that I loved.
Good things come to those who wait for it get off their butt and make it happen.

I prayed for a good man, and once I got him, I wanted more.
I prayed for an apartment so I could finally move out of my Mom's house, and once I got it, I started thinking about buying a house.
Once I bought the house, I started wanting a ring on my finger.
Once I had the house and the ring and the husband, I wanted a baby.

If you don't see a pattern here, then you are crazy.

I have for years been focusing on what I want, what I THINK that I need, instead of what I have.

No, there is no baby growing in my belly, but there are two beautiful girls growing in front of my own eyes.
I have a husband that many girls would kill to have, a man who loves me when I have on his huge sweatshirt, no makeup, and have been crying my eyes out just because Mother Nature came knocking on my door ONCE AGAIN.
I have a job that pays the bills, and gives me enough freedom that I don't go bonkers everyday.
I have a house in exactly the area that I wanted to live in.
I even have a new cell phone finally. :)

My point is, I'm dissappointed, obviously. Naturally.
But it's not the end of the world.
I am a mother, and a wife, and I need to focus on that.
I need to smell the roses that are already in my life, instead of focusing on the flowers that I can't smell.

The point of this post isn't to get you to comment and tell me that you are sorry, or to tell me to quit thinking about it.
The point is more of me reminding myself that I have LOTS AND LOTS to be happy about.
And I need to remember that.

I will always be the type of person that I am, the type that wants something and goes after it.
The type that has a goal and works towards it to make it happen.
But this is one thing that no matter how hard I work, it is completely in God's hands.
And if you want to make God laugh, you simply tell him how you have your life planned out.

Don't worry gals, I'll be back tomorrow to drama-free blogging land.
I like my posts to cause laughter, not all this other ish.
Hope everyone is having a great Monday...don't forget to do your Jillian Michaels' workouts...I'll be checking on you on IG. :)
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19 comments:

  1. I remember the moment in life when I realized that MY plan wasn't really mine (and it sucked), trust in your faith with all your heart...... Thinking of you girly!

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  2. It's a daily struggle to live in the moment:

    Quote on my phone wallpaper currently...

    If you want to be sad, live in the past.
    If you want to be anxious, live in the future.
    If you want to be peaceful, live in the now.

    :)

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  3. it is so much easier to focus on our "have nots" instead of what we have. you have so much, and are so blessed sometimes it just is hard to see that when you're looking for whats missing instead of what is there. I wub you <3 xoxox

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  4. my quote right now is - "never let the things you want make you forget the things you have" it seems fitting for you as well. :)

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  5. I feel ya, sister. This coming from someone who took 10 months to get a bun in my oven. While this is by NO means a huge amout of time compared to some girl's journeys, It seemed like a lifetime. I know how it feels to only get one pink line when you are sure that aunt flo will be late (and then shows up the next day!) I hated when people said "all in good time" or "good things come to those who wait". In reality, it did happen at the right time. It happened the very next month after I got a promotion - which is good because we wouldn't have been able to afford a baby on my old salary.
    Thinking of you!

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  6. I totally needed this today... I've been saddened because of the things I've heard about my ex.. Things that make me doubt myself and not see how much better off I am.. Thank you for making me see I need to be thankful for what I have and to get my butt in gear and work for what I want..

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  7. Great post! Way to have perspective!

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  8. I struggle with this daily. I want so badly to have another birth mother pick us so I can be a mom of 2. I forgot sometimes to just sit back and say thank God I have this beautiful little girl staring back at me. I needed this post. Thanks Lora!

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  9. AWESOME post!!!! Hugs hugs hugs! I have to remind myself to do the same, because I am always looking for whats next, too. Thank you for keepin' it real as opposed to being surface level. So sad to have missed hugging you in person on Saturday night. If you went. lol

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  10. I do the same thing and like you try to remember to be happy for how blessed I am right now in this moment. It's still hard though.

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  11. I hear ya. It took me 2 years to get pregnant. It was a rough patch but my sweet, serious 2 year old makes it all worth it. Praying for a babe to be on the way soon for y'all!

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  12. Such a good post - and something we all need to remember. Thinking of you!

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  13. Love you and hate jillian. my legs are sore womp womp.

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  14. omg! I was going through those exact thoughts yesterday, except that my husband was the one that had to remind me that my life is pretty damn good. We are waiting a year to start trying for a child (so I can be out of school) and it's killing me.. baby fever is in full mode.. i'm only getting older!! lol

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  15. I am glad that you posted this. God has big plans for you. I can't tell you how many people I've met in my years of working close to Labor and Delivery that have tried and tried to have a baby. Most say that when they decide to take a break they get pregnant. Keep praying. I will! (((HUGS)))

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  16. Beautiful post - your words are so true :)

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  17. I needed to read this, chick! I don't necessarily want a baby at this moment, BUT I want a lot of things that have left me sidetracked in other areas of my life.

    I have a beautiful, amazing life and sometimes I get the "grass is always greener" mentality. I have to give myself a gut check, as well. Life is too good to stress about the other things. God is good and HE WILL PROVIDE! xoxo

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  18. My baby fever is through the roof sometimes & it really is hard to enjoy life at the moment when all you can think about is "I want to get pregnant", "why am I not getting pregnant?". etc, etc.
    I too have lots to be happy about, but I know what you mean when you say that you just want something so bad! It's easier said than done.
    But, to be cliche, it will happen. For you & for me when it's time. (womp, womp, womp)
    I just hope it's sooner than later for us. :)
    Until then, I am like you, just trying to enjoy the "now". :)

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